My Mam is the absolute queen of Christmas, hands down.That Allsopp woman might think she has the monopoly on handmade Christmas gubbins, but my mother would craft her into a huddling, quivering mess of Boden-clad snot in about half an hour. When we were kids Mam made decorations, table centrepieces, wreaths, presents, cards, nativity costumes, her own mincemeat, pudding and cakes. This was less from some trendy nostalgia, but more because she just considered it proper. I once heard her and my Nanna discussing the woman over the road as 'the sort of woman who buys pies from a shop' in the hushed and horrified tones normally reserved for murderers and the like.
This wasn't always a positive thing. All of my sisters and I have fraught memories of Christmas Eve. Whilst our mates were going out getting totally shitfaced in the pub, we were usually seated in a production line bagging up Mam's home made sweets or biscuits and assembling hampers, sometimes until three in the morning. This sort of shenanigans probably also explains why my mother once wearily told me that her best tip for Christmas Day itself was to utilise alcohol like an anaesthetic, in a small but constant drip to yourself throughout the day.
These days, whilst Mam is no less enthused by the season itself, I think she is tiring of the real (little) donkey work of it. (See what I did there?) (Fnar). Hence this year for the first time I have not only been in charge of making the pudding but also the cake. I have mixed feelings about this. Mostly fear that everyone will taste it and scream 'WHAT IS THIS MUCK YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF THIS IS NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS MAMS'. (And in my family this could actually happen). To minimise the chances of this occurring I have used her recipe. The principle behind this cake is that rather than make it in August and pour booze into it until it resembles a whisky-sodden lump of peat, you mimic this maturation period by putting all of the fruit in a pan and cooking it in booze. Genius. Thus it is the 'Never Too Late Cake'. If you don't want an alternative to all the booze then I suggest you step away from this post, as this is not the cake for you my friend. (In our family even being a tiny child is no excuse for not eating alcohol soaked cake).
As a note before I begin - these quantities look a little odd as I had to convert them from the original pounds and ounces, which Mam still refuses to stop using. These quantities make two smaller cakes (like the one shown below) or one enormous one. Adjust cooking times accordingly.
Ingredients
- 992g of mixed fruit - suggest equal mix of sultanas, raisins and currants. Not candied peel as it is the excrement of Satan.
- 226g of chopped dates
- Zest and juice of 2 lemons and 1 large orange
- 226g of ground almonds
- 283g unsalted butter
- 283g light muscovado sugar
- 340g plain wholemeal flour (or wholemeal spelt flour works well)
- 5 eggs, beaten
- 1 and quarter tablespoons of honey
- 1 and quarter teaspoons of cinnamon
- 1 and a quarter teaspoons ground mixed spice
- 141g chopped mixed nuts
- 141g chopped walnuts or pecans
- 170g glace cherries
- 75ml whisky
- 150ml sherry
Method
- Preheat the oven to 150C or Gas Mark 2. Double line your cake tin on the bottom, treble line the sides.
- Place all of the dried fruit into a saucepan with the booze and citrus juice and zest. Heat over a medium heat, stirring often then bring to boil. Switch off the heat. Leave this mix to cool (either naturally or by putting the pan in a container of ice water.
- In a seperate bowl cream together butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. Add the eggs, then fold in the flour and spices with a metal spoon.
- Once mixed add the cooled fruit and remaining other ingredients. You should be warned that mixing this is a Herculean effort, as you are not supposed to knock the air out, but the mixture is also incredibly thick. I got the husband to do it, which was bad for my feminist credentials, but good for my iron deficiency anaemia.
- Once mixed add to tins and smooth mixture down. They will need 1 and a half to 2 hours in the oven, and are done when a skewer comes out clean. They should then be left to cool completely in the tins.
- Once turned out, brush with honey and then cover with marzipan and then either fondant icing or for an authentic 1970's look, royal icing. For those of you, like me, who don't like marzipan or icing it is really only there for decoration and to stop the cake drying out, I have absolutely no concerns about chucking it away when I eat a slice. I have also topped mine with some of those molar-shattering silver dragees and terribly retro cake toppers. You could of course be more tasteful about it, but really, if you can't be camp at Christmas, I'm not entirely sure what the point of it all is.
No comments:
Post a Comment